I feel like I have a "to-do" list that is a mile and a half long. Unfortunately, instead of crossing things off of it, I just keep adding to it. I've even lost a couple of my lists and had to make new ones, and somehow they always turn out longer than before....
I don't know if it's because we aren't finding out what we're having or if it's just because I've been so preoccupied with Libbi, but I feel SO unprepared for Baby #2! I actually feel a little guilty because I am so unprepared. I know things like cute monogrammed clothes, coming home outfits, and a fully decorated nursery don't matter in the grand scheme of things, but sometimes I think they sure would help me feel a little bit better ;0)
When I was pregnant with Libbi, I had everything planned out. We had her name put on everything, the nursery was completely finished, and I would spend hours just sorting and washing all her teeny tiny clothes (half of which she never wore because she was SO big - haha!) But with this Baby, I haven't done anything. I just don't even know where to start. And that seriously stresses me out. Somehow being "30 weeks" this week seems so much further along than "29" and I feel like time is slipping away too quickly and before I know it, I will have this little baby and not have a thing for him/her.
In my rational mind, I know this is not the case. I know that we have a pack-n-play, a swing, a bassinet, a bouncy seat, etc (regardless of the fact that they are all pink!) so if for some reason (God forbid) the baby was born really early, we would be just fine. Plus, my mom and mother-in-law are both very generous and I know that they would gladly help with whatever we may need. But...in my irrational pregnant mind, I stress over the fact that we won't have bedding (even though he/she won't be sleeping in the crib at first anyway), that most of my decorating will have to be done after the baby is born, that I won't know what name we're naming the baby until he/she is here, basically I stress over not being able to have everything perfectly prepared.
In church last Sunday, our pastor talked about how we often confuse being "in charge" with being "in control." Yes, we are in charge of our lives and the decisions we make, but ultimately we're not in control. Yes, we are in charge of our jobs, but ultimately the economy is in control. We are in charge of our children here on earth, but ultimately God is in control of their little lives and He has just gifted them to us for a time. I know that not finding out what we're having is the Lord's way of reminding me that I am not in control. Not being able to plan everything out to the very last detail or having a finished nursery or a complete wardrobe ready and waiting is a constant reminder that I am not in control. I am in charge while I am pregnant (as far as what I eat, what I do, my attitude, my dr's appts, etc) but ultimately, He is in control. He is the one forming this baby and He is the one who has already numbered the days of his/her life.
If this baby enters the world without a stitch of clothing hanging in the closet or without a monogram to be seen, that's okay. Nothing I could do would change the fact that the Lord already has a plan for this baby's life. All of my stressing, worrying, preparing (or lack of) and planning will not change that. Instead of fretting over the fact that I'm NOT in control, I need to be rejoicing over the fact that He IS! :)
And, let's face it, no matter if this baby is a boy or a girl, I'm pretty sure diapers and wipes are unisex so you better believe I'll be stocking up on those in the next few weeks ;0)
"You can make many plans,
but the Lord’s purpose will prevail."
but the Lord’s purpose will prevail."
~Proverbs 19:21
