Libbi Jane, as we enter into the first of May, it is a bittersweet time for me. The days of "just you and me" will soon be over. And, while I am beyond thrilled that you will have a little brother or sister in just a matter of days, it is also a time where I feel sad that you will no longer be my only baby. You will, however, always be my first baby.
Lately is seems as though you are growing up before my eyes. You no longer have that "baby" look; your pudgy arms and legs are thinning, and you're looking more and more like a little girl. I know that once your brother or sister arrives, you will look even older to me. I am so proud that you are growing and learning every day, but at the same time, I want to bottle up your little self and keep you just the same as you are right now.
You were my first baby, my guinea pig, my live and learn baby. I had no idea about so many things..... how to take your temperature, what to do about a curious rash, when to let you cry it out, and so much more. But there was the one thing I knew for sure: you were the one who made me a momma and I absolutely 100% knew how to love you. That part was easy and came so naturally. From the moment we first saw your little heartbeat on that ultrasound screen, we loved you. Without a doubt, you were ours and we loved you. And from there, our love grew and grew!
If I'm being honest, I'm really not worried about having another baby. I know there will be long days and nights and it could be a trying time for all of us, but I also know that we'll be just fine. The only thing I really worry about is you. I don't worry about how you'll be with the baby....I know you'll be the sweetest big sister ever. You have such a tender little heart and I know that you will love your brother or sister and gently welcome them into our family in your own special way.
What I do worry about is that you'll feel sad and left out. I don't want you to feel forgotten. For almost two years you've been my only baby and I feel bad that I know your world is about to change and you really have no idea. I know that when the baby comes, you'll be spending some time with your grandparents, and I worry that you'll feel like you've been replaced. (Of course, your daddy says I need to quit worrying about all of this and that you will absolutely be just fine, but I can't help it!)
I find myself wanting to keep you close to me now more than ever. I can't help but think every time I rock you or bathe you that it could be the last time we do these things with you as my only child. I feel like the days we have together with "just us" are quickly coming to an end, so I want to soak up every second we have together. I have to admit, I've been a little selfish in wanting you all to myself these past few weeks (if I weren't so tired, I'd probably keep you home from school some days - ha!) but I just want to remember every second of this season of our lives; when you were my first and my only.
Mostly, I just want you to know how much I love you and how much I always, always will. You will always be my baby no matter how old you are and no matter how many "other babies" join our family. You will forever be my first..... and I know that we will continue to go through many "firsts" together (some of them more enjoyable than others, I'm sure). I pray that you'll continue to be so gracious with the learning curve as we experience life together.
I can't wait to see you experience your "first" time as a big sister.... I have no doubt that you'll be the sweetest one yet! :)
I love you sweet Libbi Jane :)
